


The Burdens we Bear

by acatone



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Body Dysphoria, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Soulmate AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-11
Updated: 2017-09-26
Packaged: 2018-12-26 11:29:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 10,790
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12058086
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/acatone/pseuds/acatone
Summary: What if Soulmates are more than true love? What if soulmates are bound by an invisible string, linking you physically and emotionally. What if they feel what you feel? What if they get hurt when you do? Genji was lucky to still be alive after Hanzo attemped to murder him, but would his soulmate be as lucky? Could he live with the thought that his selfishness may have killed his true love?





	1. Beginnings

**Author's Note:**

> for Sylvaneventus on Tumblr

It was supposed to just be another day of making and printing posters, designing slogans and campaigns. Well, it was supposed to be, but she knew something was wrong. Something felt very, very, wrong the moment she woke up, and she can feel it in her bones.  
  
She's always been a calm and collected person, but she felt very anxious that day. Very anxious, very sad, and very lonely. A feeling of Deja Vu, a gut feeling that she's about to lose something important, but she can't quite put a finger on what was wrong. And like many others, she pushes back the feeling and tries to focus on what she has to do.  
  
The day went more or less the same way it always has. Making posters, designing campaigns, chatting with colleagues and making weekend plans. Hanging out with her friends relaxed her, and working pulled her mind off her anxiety. By 10, she has felt a lot better. She considers making an appointment with a psychiatrist if the anxiety does continue, but it may just be a one-time thing. She let it go, and hung out with her colleagues in the mess hall during lunch.  
  
They talked about their job, about other colleagues, about weekend plans when  suddenly, the anxiety hit her again. She couldn't breathe, she couldn't stop shaking, and she's... crying? Why? This was supposed to be a normal day, why is she like this? What's wrong with herself? She found herself crying, and hyperventilating, and she felt an ache in her heart. Oh, she felt very sad, very scared, and she can't do anything about it. Her friends had pulled her aside to help her calm down, away from the crowds. And then it hit her. A pain, so excruciating that she fell to her knees, clasping her abdomen. She can't scream, she can't move. Her chest, her body- It hurts and she can't-  
She can't-  
  
Breathe-  
........  
Agent 4813  
DOB: 22/02  
Type: Propagandist.  
[DECOMMISSIONED]  
Reason: 4813 suddenly collapsed. [REDACTED] Family member has been notified and is currently being cared for under [REDACTED]  
  
.......  
Two urgent patients. Ziegler can hardly believe herself. First, a decapitated man, an overwatch spy of some sort, found barely alive in his home. Second, an overwatch propagandist, collapsed for no apparent reason. Not to mention that both of them are dying. Great, just great. She should really finish that staff. Just in case something like this happens again. Thankfully, the poor spy is all the way in East Asia. They managed to stabilize and Cyrogenically freeze him, his body currently being transported to the base. That's good because that means she has a day to take care of the poor girl.  
  
Initially, she thought that the poor girl had collapsed from overworking or alcohol poisoning. You know, the usual stuff. However, upon further examination, she couldn't find what caused her condition. Her nerves seem to have been severed in a lot of places, including her right arm and her abdomen, affecting her lower body. It wasn't just non-functioning. It was literally severed, like someone has cut through her. She wonders how that happened. The capillaries and vessels around that area has also been severed without there being any actual physical injuries on the outside. She managed to fix the nerves and vessels for now, but she doubts the poor girl will be able to walk or use her right hand ever again.  
  
This was, by far, the weirdest phenomenon she has encountered. Most of her organs were failing. Her lungs were collapsing. Her heart stopped beating for a while. And it seems like her body was being cut up from the inside. Her nerve and vessels were broken, her liver and kidneys were failing, and yet, somehow, they managed to stabilize her through great effort and a quite a few resuscitations. It was almost a miracle, she'd say.  
  
They kept her under life support. Breathing aids, IV drips, monitors all over her. It was a sad sight, and Ziegler still can't figure out what had happened to her. The poor girl's medical record has been mostly clean, and she hasn't been drinking or doing drugs. She also seems to be mentally stable. What went wrong?  
  
And yet it was no time to falter. Her second patient has just arrived and needed immediate attention. His state, was terrible. No, terrible was not a good enough word to describe it anymore. He really should be dead. He arrived in 2 parts. The upper body and left arm, the lower body, and right arm. A clean sword cut, literally sliced into 2 parts.  
  
"What the hell do you want me to do with this? He's as good as dead!" She said  
  
They had wanted her to build him a new body. She called them crazy and yet, here she is now, building the man a cybernetic body. They kept his body frozen for the next few months while she, along with a few others collaborated in making him a body. An abdomen, for now, at least.  
  
It worked.  
  
Well, he coded a few times but it worked. He survived, with a semi-working body system and all. They put him in the ICU, next to the propagandist, and now Angela plays the waiting game and hopes at least one of them wakes up. Preferably both, but she knows it is unlikely that either of them will make it through the week. Genji, coded once, and his body had rejected his cybernetic filtration system, a.k.a cyborg liver; and had to get it replaced. Meanwhile the girl's blood's acidity spiked for a bit, resulting in a blood pressure drop, although it was not enough to make her code. Her liver condition worsened for a bit but hey, they both made it through the week. Even so, neither has woken up. Genji's fingers has twitched once or twice, but nothing more. Still, it was a cause for hope for Angela.  
  
In the meantime, Ziegler has started writing research papers based on her new patients. About cybernetization and of the odd phenomenon over her other patient. It will take time to write a full paper. Months, perhaps years, even. It would of course, be much easier if the other party is fully stable but for now, this will have to do.  
  
About a month after that fateful day, she'd pick up her unfinished research paper, and she'd continue writing. Halfway through the night, Angela notices that she has been writing on the wrong document.  
  
"Huh, how did that happen?" She thought.  
  
Reading back, she realized that her two patients has similar injuries. Her nerves and vessels had been cut in more or less the same place Genji had been decapitated. Her liver function dropped when Genji rejected his new filtration system. She seems to share his injuries and complication... Angela had no idea what it all meant, or if it meant anything at all. But her gut feeling tells her these two cases are related, even though she had no definitive proof. She put the case to rest for the night and decided to take a nap


	2. Wake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Genji opens his eyes

Genji opened his eyes the next day. He wasn't fully conscious yet, but it was pretty damn good. His eyes travelled around the room, and he was responsive to sounds. It was more than Angela could ever hope for and she finds herself beaming with pride. He'll be fine, she's sure of that, but she is also sure that these two cases are related. She thought that maybe, if they're related to that extent, this girl would also rouse from her coma soon, seeing that all her injuries and organs has been repaired. And yet, didn't wake up that day, no matter what Angela tried. It seems that her hypothesis was incorrect. She has been stable though, which was good, but there are still no obvious signs of recovery. She waited A few more days to see whether or not she would rouse from her coma, but it was to no avail.

By then, Angela has started doubting the relationship of the two medical conditions. She has tried consulting researchers and doctors, and it seems that none of them has seen something similar. Of course, Angela does not tell them her suspicion regarding the two cases, but several theories has come up, ranging from possible parasites to genetic illnesses. None of them quite fit the criteria, and Angela still feels that there was a link between the two conditions. She put aside her research for now, and focuses instead of her research for a full-body cybernetization. She still needs to make Genji his limbs after all.

Few days later, Genji found himself fully conscious. He started gaining control of his left hand. Starting with moving his fingers, and then his hand, until he is able to move his arm around. He felt sluggish, and he does not yet know why he cannot move his other limbs. And then the penny dropped, and he found himself distraught and angry. Angry at himself, at his brother, the doctors, Overwatch, even life itself. He refused to cooperate, refused medications and treatment, and refused physical therapy. It isn't rare for the medical team to have to sedate him in order to give him medication. It took Reyes several weeks of knocking some sense into the man before he was willing to at least calm down and let the medical team do their work. It took Angela another few days to convince him to agree on testing his new limbs, and to undergo physical therapy to allow him to control his cybernetic body. 

It took Genji quite some time to be able to control his mechanical limbs through brain signal, but in a few months after he started being able to move his new limbs, he was ready to undergo basic exercises, which soon developed into basic hand to hand combat, and finally once again picking up his weapons. His body still do not feel like his, but his left arm was a good enough reminder of what he is. That he is human.

On the other hand Ziegler was still trying to figure out what happened to the girl, who was now alone in the ICU. She noted that sometimes the girl seemed to be experiencing REM sleep, and possibly dreaming, as her heartbeat accelerates in sleep sometimes. On these rare days, Angela is reminded that Genji may be up and running, but she still has things to do.

It took a year and a half for her body to be able to function normally. She however, was still left in a vegetative state. Angela slowly ceased the breathing aids, so that her body to adjust to functioning again, without the help of machines.

It also took one year and a half of practice and simulation before Genji was ready for the field. He was still seething, reckless, and hot headed, but he does his job well. Reyes took the boy under his wing. He thought that the fire in his eyes and his enhanced body would allow him to do things many others cannot, which was exactly what blackwatch needed.

They sent him back to his hometown to clean up his clan. Morrison was worried that he wouldn’t been able to handle the job, mentally. But Reyes convinced him that he'll be fine, because he knows that boy wants his revenge. The Strike-Commander questioned the morals of the mission but said nothing. The mission went on. 

Revenge has been part of the deal, when he returned to Hanamura, Genji never hesitated. He was a pot full of boiling rage poured into an ant's nest. He spilled blood where his brother has spilled his and he does so in reckless abandon.

"Learnt it from his brother," he said, voice spiked with betrayal and bitterness.

It was going pretty well, even though they found it difficult to control Genji and his tendency to do whatever he wanted. Reyes threatened to cut the power for his cybernetic parts if he continued disobeying. Genji does not listen. He'd thought of it as empty threats. Besides, they need him more that he needed them, right?

Reyes however, was not a man of bluffs. He had instructed them to cut the circuit to most of his body when he bloodshed became too much. They did so when he was about to murder his brother, Hanzo who has left the class. Hanzo had sneaked into the castle do finish a yearly ritual of honoring his dead brother. Of honoring him. It had enraged him so much that he abandoned his mission entirely. Not wanting to cause a scene, Reyes decided that incapacitating Genji before he got to Hanzo would be the best course of action. Genji was already being chased by a few personnel from the clan from his own recklessness and him, attacking Hanzo would create an even bigger scene. They disabled his cybernetic parts, and left him incapacitated as Hanzo finished his ritual, and as his pursuers caught up with him. The members of the clan attacked the incapacitated intruder at their feet before they managed to rescue him. cut off his arm and shot at him a few times, but Genji would make it.

But the same may not be applicable for the poor propagandist. Her blood pressure had dropped suddenly, and Angela found internal bleeding around her left arm and abdomen. They managed to fix it, with minimum complications, but she was still wary. They brought in genji the next day, his left arm severed and several gunshots. Angela revised her hypothesis. Their injuries are too similar to not be related. And yet, she says nothing. 

Upon his arrival, Genji had looked at her with a deathly stare when she examined his injury and told him he'd need a new arm. He only let out a disapproving scoff but begrudgingly agreed. They replaced his arm, replaced his whole body. “Might as well make him look like an omnic” they said.

"Better for covert ops,” They said.

They put him back in the ICU after the transformation. Veins pumped with anesthetic, he was much calmer. Brought out of the operating room, he took note of the girl in the ICU. Hasn't she been here for years now? He said nothing, minded his own business. When the anesthetic moves out of his system, he woke up to find that he has lost more things than he has bargained for. Lost his pride and lost his arm, and the rest of his body. Lost his last proof of humanity. It unexpectedly drove him over the edge.

His first failed mission. His brother got away, he didn't finish his mission and the entire ordeal costed him an arm, the only one he had left, and it made him angrier than ever. He screamed at Reyes for getting in the way when he got back but the man only looked at him with a disapproving look. And not to mention, the transformation made him look like an Omnic. Metal and carbon from head to toe. It made him feel sick. Rage turned into despair, he found himself dysphoric and depressed and he finds himself useless in the battlefield.

6 years after he first came in, they decommissioned him. 

Genji didn't know what to do then. They dropped him off in his hometown and left. No, he didn't want to be back here, he thought. And so, he started travelling. With no identity and little money, he soon found himself living a nomadic life. Not a very luxurious one, and it worsened his dysphoria but he was alive. 

Being the reckless man he is, Genji soon found his mechanical body degrading. He had never bothered to learn how to take care of himself, and he doesn't think he wants to. The thought itself made him uncomfortable. Just looking at himself in the mirror was enough to make him sick. So he keeps treading, and he does little when he finds his right arm malfunctioning before it stopped working entirely. Many parts of his cybernetic body followed soon after. He finds himself unable to walk or move and thinks to himself that if he was going to die like this, then so be it.

She coded that night, but they managed to save her. Her bodily functions had suddenly stopped and they strapped her back on life support. Angela worries about her, and about Genji. She wonders if something had happened to Genji then.

Angela woke up the next morning to a response from a fellow researcher who stated that their team wanted to examine her patient’s condition. They asked for her lab results and if possible, for the patient to be transferred. They were all the way in Oasis, and Angela isn't sure she'll make it, but she is desperate and would need all the help she could get. She went to Oasis with the unconscious propagandist to the research center.


	3. Soulmates

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zenyatta finally showed up :)  
> Sorry it took so long to get this here, but I've been a bit busy with job applications and all o<<

Genji dreamed of the Overwatch base, but he knows he was not himself. He dreamt of being in the mess hall, with people he did not recognize. His hands, his hands, they were human, they were flesh, and they were... small? That's not right…. He looked at the metallic tray in front of him and sees not himself, but a girl. He knows that face, but he can't quite remember where. A familiar feeling of dysphoria washes over him. He didn't feel like himself and it made him uncomfortable. He could feel the anxiety returning and he couldn't stop himself from crying. No, this is not him. This is not his body. This feels so weird, so terrible, so wrong. The people around him looked stunned, and gently pulled him aside to calm down. They were kind, and gentle, but it only made him feel worse. And then it hit him, a familiar feeling. That feeling, that pain. The same one, as when Hanzo-

He gasped for air.

And found himself in his own skin.

It was just a dream, calm down.

He took deep breaths and looked around him. He has woken up in a place he did not recognize. It was cold, and his body had a hard time adjusting to the temperature outside. He tries to raise his hands and found his limbs functional once again. Someone must have rescued him. He rose from the mattress sluggishly and tried to make sense of his location. It was a humble place, a small place made of old, worn wood with open doors and windows. Looking out, it. almost looked like an abandoned city. The place was covered in blankets of snow that bled into his room. His engines whirred loudly in an attempt to increase his temperature. It was the only sound in the room and it made him feel dysphoric. He clasps his hands on his ear, but it does not help. The cold metal of what is now his skin does not ease his discomfort. In fact, it worsened his despair. Genji finds himself curling on the mattress, facing away from the door. He couldn't stop himself from crying.  
  
Where had things gone wrong? He thought.  
  
Mulling over these things, he has failed to notice someone approaching him. He felt a gentle warmth wash over him. It was comfortable, soothing, warm. It felt like home. Genji could feel himself dozing into sleep, and even though he tries to fight it, he finds the temptation of warmth and comfort too much for his worn soul and body.  
  
He was awoken by a soft chime from behind him. When he turns around, he sees an omnic monk, meditating with some glowing orbs. Next to him, a simple tray with what seems to be some food. Genji carefully watched the the monk, the way his orbs turn and chime, and emit a gentle yellow light. The sight somehow calmed him, and put his mind away from his troubles. He was about to doze off again before the monk spoke.  
  
"How are you feeling?" He asked.  
  
Genji thought for a second. He felt, nothing. No, that's not it. He felt, calm... He felt, relaxed. It's a feeling he hasn't felt in a long time that he had trouble identifying it. The monk patiently waited for his reply, and although Genji knew what he felt, he couldn't bring himself to say it.  
  
"I don't... Know...." he mumbled.  
  
He refused to say how he felt, not because he truly does not know, but because he was sure the feeling will dissipate again. He knows he'll be back to feeling dysphoric, depressed, and sorry for himself. He knows this sense of calm is a calm before a storm and he doesn't want to jinx it. And now that he's said it, he regrets it because he should have savored this moment of calm, the short spring in the harsh winters of his mind.  
  
He sighs, and he drags himself off the mattress. He should go, but where to? In his moment of hesitation, the monk asks if he’s hungry, before letting out a chuckle and stating that he brought some food for him anyway. The omnic lifted the tray of food next to himself and brought it over to Genji before leaving. A bowl of congee and some dried fruits, it was a humble meal, but he wasn't going to complain. He sat back down on the mattress and reached to take off his faceplate before-  
  
Wait.  
  
Where was his faceplate?  
  
Oh no, oh no, oh no.  
  
A moment of panic washed over him as he scanned his room with urgency. He found his weapons and items, including his faceplate; arranged neatly in the corner of the room. But it was not a moment of relief, because that would mean that the monk knows what he really is. He put on his faceplate and went to look for them monk, only to realize that the place was a monastery full of omnic monks. He should have paid more attention to that monk, he should have looked at what clothes he wore and if he had dents. He should have-  
  
No. Calm down. He tells himself.  
  
It’s fine, it's going to be fine, he tells himself.  
  
Clenching his jaw, he forced himself to sit back on the mattress, and forced himself to take off his faceplate and scoop the congee with the spoon and eat the fruits and he is shaking with anxiety and he tries very hard not to let it take over him but he still finds his heart racing and tears threatening to spill and in the end he couldn't bring himself to finish the food that was brought to him. He didn't deserve this kindness. Defeated, he placed the unfinished tray of food on the ground next to the mattress and waited.

Soon enough, an omnic monk- (was it the same one?) Peeked into his room, asked him if he was done with the food. Do all the monks here know about what he is? It made him a little displeased but he kept it to himself. The monk remarked that he should take better care of himself, Genji only scoffed. Told the monk that it didn't matter if he died or not before he realized how depressing that must have sounded.

The monk looked at him sympathetically; (well, Genji thought it looked sympathetic, he can't really tell after all) before stating that he pities whoever Genji’s soulmate is. Genji looked at him quizzically, but the monk only left quietly, leaving him to mull over the statement.

Heh, his soulmate is probably better off without him, he thinks.

He spent the rest of the day resting in his room and refusing to talk to anyone. Most would leave him alone when Genji told them to leave, or that he does not wish to talk to  anyone. One monk was very insistent though. He insisted on accompanying Genji despite his protests.  He says that solitude is not the best solution for him right now. Thinking over it, Genji understand why he'd think that, but being a stubborn man, he refuses to admit that he wants company. After a while, the monk invites him to meditation but Genji politely declines. The omnic let out a sigh and relents, but still refuses to leave. He ended up meditating in Genji’s room. Familiar chimes from the mechanical orbs fills his small room. He watches the orbs turn and chime and he finds himself relaxing.

Genji let his mind wander. He had a dream last night didn't he? He can't quite recall what it was about, but he remember dreaming about the overwatch base, the mess hall. He remember something about him not being himself. He remembers seeing a face he recognize, but he still can't think of who it was. But no one comes to mind.

His thoughts were interrupted by the monk, who asked if he was hungry. He didn't feel like eating, he says. The monk does not listen to him, and brought him some food anyway, told him to take better care of himself. Now that's two monks telling him that. Genji was getting annoyed, he let out a groan. Once again, he forced the words out of his mouth.

“Doesn’t matter if I die or not.” He stated

The monk raises his finger as if to bring up a point, but Genji interrupts him.

“Also if you are going to bring up the soulmate thing like your friend last time, know that whoever my soulmate is, they're probably better off without me.”

A moment of awkward silence fills the room before it was broken by the monk. In a quiet voice, he asks Genji.

“Do you not yet know how soulmate works?”

Genji looked at him quizzically, but says nothing.

“Soulmates, you'd probably be thinking about true love or _the one_ and while that's true, that's not all that soulmates are.”

“Okay…?”

“Now soulmates. They're bound by a sort of invisible string, that's putting it roughly… but Imagine that your hand is tied to one end of a string, and another person is tied to the other end. What do you think would happen to the other person if you fell?”

“.....”

“They'd fall too, unless they somehow manage to stop you from falling. That would, indeed, be the ideal scenario,” the monk let out a small chuckle.

Genji could feel his insides drop.

“You and your soulmate share the same burden. They will feel what you feel on an emotional and physical level and vice versa. So please, take care of yourself.”

So-

When Hanzo-

No. No, no, no…. What has he done?

“You're kidding,” he says, but his voice shook with anxiety.

“Have you ever gotten injuries and scars that you can't explain? That’s-”

“Stop,” Genji begged, his voice cracking. “Stop,” he repeated. “If it's true, that'll mean that whoever my soulmate is would have died anyway! How do you think I ended up in this body? How do you think I ended up being like this? A half human, half machine abomination! They would never have made it!” He lashed out. “You see, that'd mean they'd be better off without me anyway! That way they wouldn't have to- they wouldn’t have to go through this, all this…” he said. He couldn't stop the tears from falling then.

The monk looked at him, waiting for the tide to calm. He gave the cyborg some space as he cried his insides out, and patiently waited by his side.

“I'm sorry,” the Omnic said, quietly

 “It doesn't matter anymore,” Genji says, in a defeated tone.

The monk stood by him silently then. He does not do much, but he listens to all of Genji’s laments and inner thoughts. Genji himself did now know why he was telling the monk these things. It simply flowed out of his mouth like droplets of water in a waterfall and when he was done, the monk was still there, intently listening. He left a glowing orb by Genji’s side when the cyborg found himself exhausted from spilling his insides to the monk, while the omnic quietly left the room for the day.

He dreamt again that night. The same dream, the same scene, the same feelings. He woke up in cold sweat, and he briefly wonders if his soulmate is truly dead. He wonders, that if they were indeed alive, would they share the same dream? Or would she have dreamt of what he had seen and felt? Of Hanzo, of blades, or blood, and cherry blossoms. Would she have heard his dying pleas? Genji feels the sadness creeping back to him, and with unpreventable tears falling to the mattress, he forced himself back to slumber.

The monk returned later that morning, introduced himself as Tekartha Zenyatta, and as the monk who had caused havoc and created a discord in his heart yesterday. The monk said it so playfully, he really didn’t feel like the monks Genji saw back in Hanamura. Ah, Hanamura, he wonders what become of the city then.

But his attention is brought back to the monk in front of him. He brought food with him, the same as yesterday, and offered him an apology for their limited food supplies. Genji doesn’t mind. The monk explains that people rarely visit, and when they do, the monks would receive a message at least few days prior. But on the rare days where the monks visited the people, Zenyatta had decided to take the scenic route to the meeting point. Talking to people, impromptu consultations, he took his time until he comes across a lady and her omnic lover begging for help, saying that they found an Omnic that was in a really bad shape. Him. They tried his best to mend to his broken limbs and barely functioning system, but Zenyatta realized that the letting the couple take care of Genji was too much to ask, as they were already in hiding and were going through their own challenges, so Zenyatta pleaded with the rest of his brothers to take him back to the monastery. They scrambled for tools and parts and when Zenyatta found out of his true nature, for food.

Genji wanted to ask him how he noticed that Genji was not entirely… mechanical, but the words couldn’t come out. Maybe he’d rather not know. But then, as if the monk knew about the question lingering on his mind, he talked.

“You’re probably wondering how I found out about your… true nature,” he says.

Genji looks at him attentively as he chews on the dried fruits before him. Zenyatta explains that it was easier to fix parts than a whole thing. Zenyatta has attempted to pull his limbs apart and attend to them separately, but saw that his limbs were attached to flesh. He said nothing unnecessary to the couple and told them that he will be taking care of the omnic. And then, Zenyatta reassembled him quickly, and pleaded with his brother to bring him to the monastery. He had told them honestly, of his state, and although some of his brothers were doubtful, they agreed to take him in. Zenyatta felt bad about having to take Genji apart, but he did so anyway. He took apart the mechanical parts to clean and fix. He had thought of putting his faceplate back on while reassembling him, but was afraid that Genji would have difficulty breathing with the thing on. Besides, all that were there already know about his state. Zenyatta didn’t realize that it would cause him emotional discomfort when he did so, and expressed a sincere apology.

Genji explains that there are vents that allow him to breathe normally, and Zenyatta nodded understandingly, before apologizing, once again for causing Genji some discomfort.

Genji says nothing, not knowing how to feel, so Zenyatta asked him to accompany him for a walk. Not having anything better to do, Genji finished his breakfast and joined him, doubtfully at first, but he quickly warmed up to the idea when he realized that none of the monks judged him. They cared, they did show concern, but not about what happened to him. They inquired if his joints were working normally, if the food was alright, if the place was comfortable enough. Some attempted to ask about his physical state, and although Genji was reluctant to answer, he realizes that there was no malice in the question, no disgust. In a way, it made him feel at ease.

When Zenyatta asked Genji to accompany him on a walk to the city below the mountains the day after, Genji leaves his faceplate behind.

He does not need to pretend anymore, not here.

Genji sometimes still thought himself to be odd, to be disgusting. These are things that seldom leave his mind. Of course, there’s no such thing as an instant recovery. It took Genji years to finally come into terms with himself and his body. Still, he isn’t sure he has come into terms with the fact that he may have murdered his soulmate. There’s a part of him that hopes that they’re here, and that they’ll get to spend time with each other like it was meant to be, but he knows such chances are slim, if none at all.

Then his minds wander to his dreams. The recurring dreams, he wonders if it truly is his soulmate. And they wonder, if they indeed are, and they belong in Overwatch, would Mercy have saved her?

And then it clicked to him. The girl in the ICU, she was much skinnier then, but he wonders if it could be? He could barely remember her face, as he never took the time to observe his ICU neighbor. And yet, something in his heart tells him that she was the one in his dreams. The face on the metallic reflection of the food tray, it was burned into his mind. But with no news, no certainty, he was left wondering. He dared not to ask his master, but the thought of his soulmate being somewhat alive was enough to keep him going. He wonders if the patient Angela talked about had been her. He wonders if he’ll be able to see her and confirm what he sees in his dreams. He spent the time thinking of the what ifs and maybes, and when he exhausts all options, he finds himself feeling nothing


	4. Face to Face

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Recall, basically.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> updated this one quickly as a compensation for my busy ass HAHA

During these years away from Overwatch, many things has happened. The Swiss base has blown up and Overwatch has been disbanded. He had heard that Dr. Ziegler was safe, as she was in Oasis for a research project. He sent her a letter, telling her about how he was doing. She replied and told him that there has been no significant advancement in her research and that she's also working in a refugee camp as a volunteer.

He found that McCree was also safe. He had apparently left before the explosion and went on to be some sort of vigilante. A little more difficult to forget him, since his face is plastered on the news quite often.

Many of his other colleagues have also resumed their lives elsewhere. He heard that the explosion has happened as a form of coup d’état by Reyes, who was unhappy with Morrison’s leadership. He has also heard that the two Commanders, Morrison and Reyes have passed in the explosion along with many others. Genji took some time to mourn for them in private. He wonders how McCree feels about the entire ordeal. The man was very close to Reyes after all…

During the past year, Zenyatta has also decided to leave the monastery due to a difference in ideology. However, few months after their departure, Mondatta was assassinated during a speech in King’s Row. During those times, he has seen his master mourn for his brother, and taught Zenyatta to cope with the pain. They ended up returning to the monastery after that. His master has stated that his brothers would need all the support they can get. Seeing Zenyatta being very supportive of his brothers in the monastery made Genji determined to do the same with his brother, now that he has come to terms with who he is and what has happened to them. He had told his master his plan, and after a few short weeks, the two travelled to Hanamura.

There were a few days before his brother would come for his yearly ritual and Genji took the time to explore the city again and guide his master around his hometown. During those short few days, Genji had also received a recall from Winston. He told his master about it, and he willingly agreed to tag along, before suggesting him to try and recruit his brother as well.

He tried, but in the end, Genji realizes that the final choice lies in his brother. The two left for the recall first. It's quite a long journey and he was both ecstatic and anxious about meeting his old colleagues. He heard that Lena is already there, and that Angela, Reinhardt and Torbjörn are on the way. There is no news of McCree yet, which was a bit disappointing, but on the other hand, he also heard that Winston has decided recruit a few new members, and are waiting for their response.

The 2 cybernetic men arrived a mere 2 days later. Winston has given them the exact watch point location when they landed and the two mechanical men promptly went there.

 The place was very quiet, and almost empty. Only a handful of people were in the watch point, most were in the process of cleaning the previously abandoned base. The two spent a few hours looking around and getting themselves familiar with the location before cleaning and setting up the place. Given the task of setting up the practice range, they hoisted weapons and supplies from aircrafts, and few days after they arrived, the range proved to be fully functional. Angela landed in the base few days later. Genji had offered to help her transport her supplies, and decided to use the time to catch up with the dear doctor.

While carrying boxes of medical supplies, she told him that her efforts has been fruitless. Her research has gotten nowhere and she's close to giving up but her patient's family relies on her. Genji asks her about the case, and Angela gladly explains.

“It's an Overwatch agent. Well, not quite. She was a propagandist.  No one really knows what happened but it was reported that she suddenly collapsed during lunch hours. Her colleagues brought her in. Apparently the has shown symptoms similar to panic attacks before the incident, which at first led me to think that she's having a heart attack,” Genji could almost see the scene himself. Didn't he dream of something similar?

“But then I opened her up and found that she's been basically cut up on the inside.” Angela put down the box she was carrying before crossing her arms to look at Genji.

“Funny thing, her injuries are almost identical to yours, save from the actual decapitation,” she chuckled. Genji could not find it in himself to react similarly. Instead, he felt a rising anxiety in his veins and he finds himself nervous for a reason he has yet to identify.

“When your heart stopped beating, so did hers. When your liver failed, so did hers. I used to think it was too good of a coincidence, thought your condition were related but then you woke up, she didn’t.”

Genji could feel his insides drop. Could she be….

“Maybe I should have given her a cyborg body too, see if that works,” she laughed, before leaving to grab more boxes. Genji followed after her, his steps rigid and uncertain as they go back to the landing pitch. For a moment, Angela considers asking Genji to bring back the cryogenic tank, but seeing how uncomfortable Genji had been when she talked about her, she decided against it. She instructed him to bring down the medical packs instead, while she struggled with the tank herself. Of course, she could barely make it down the aircraft before Genji returned, waiting for another task. He offered to help her with the tank, and she relented. It was quite heavy after all.

He asked her if this was indeed her patient, to which she replied honestly. A part of him wanted to peek into the frost covered surface of the cryogenic tank, but he does not. Perhaps deep down, he already knew whose face he’ll see and yet, nothing is truly certain is it? Genji leaves after he finished dragging the cryogenic tank into the medical wing.  A number of medics took over the task from then on, and he is left of his own to think. He quietly left the wing and went out. Climbed up one of the watch towers with great ease and stayed there for some time, playing over and over his conversation with Dr. Ziegler. Perhaps he should have asked to see the patient, perhaps he should have done things differently, perhaps he should have said things differently, or acted differently but what happened has happened, and he is left curious, on his own. Does he even want to know? Would he dare show his face to the person he has hurt the most? Is she even going to wake up?

He talked to his master that afternoon, spills all worries, his fears, his insides, and Zenyatta listens quietly, intently. He tells his master how worried he had been, how he had been trying to shove it to the back of his mind, how he thought was okay with his soulmate’s death, how he thought his soulmate would not make it. And then he talks about his dreams, the recurring dreams. He talks of seeing her, of seeing what she saw and what she felt at the fateful moment. He talks of his doubt, of his fear that the girl in the cyrogenic tank was not her, that she is beyond saving. He talks about the things he had wondered, if she had dreamed of him, of what he saw. He talked about his fears if she did wake up, talked about how she may hate him, despise him, for inflicting pain on him and doesn’t stop talking until there is nothing more to be said about her. And then he breathes. A harsh and painfully choking breath. Only then he feels the tears on his cheek, the slight tremor of his fingers. Only then he let go.

Later that night, Zenyatta took it upon himself to meet Dr. Ziegler. He asked about her patient, and she reluctantly explains her condition. He asks if she has been released from the cyrogenic tank, before asking to see the unconscious girl. He explains that he specializes in healing, and would like to see her state, and perhaps, familiarize himself with the medical team. Angela had never been the spiritual kind, but she was desperate, and she needed all the help so she accepted, and gave him a short tour around the newly set-up medical wing. Things were still being transported from one room to another. Only few beds were available and fewer operation rooms. However, Angela has made sure that the intensive care unit was set up first so that they can resume her most challenging case as soon as she possibly can. Zenyatta watched as they unloaded the cyrogenic tank and carefully placed the patient on the bed before attaching monitors and drips. The monk plainly, almost too innocently remarked how similar her injuries are to his student and for a moment, he swore he saw the doctor look at him with interest, her eyes begging for an explanation. But the monk says nothing, and the doctor asks nothing. He left her curious as a cat, and re-ignited her suspicion that her two patients may be related.

The monk and the doctor bonded quite easily then. They often went for walks together, and Zenyatta even offered to help around with the more…. Mechanical patients, to which Angela gladly accepted. She offered to give him tours, and patiently explained how they operated and how field medics work. It is only few days after when Zenyatta talked about the unconscious girl again.

“Say, Ms. Ziegler, I have a hypothesis I need to confirm,” he says, referring to her state.

“Of course, what is it?”

“If it is possible, can you grant Genji the permission to see her?” he asks, simply.

She hesitates a second, before letting out a resigned sigh and states that she would try to get him a permission slip. She then asks him in return, what the monk thought caused her states.

“Surely you notice that the two share similar injuries. Not physical on the outside, yes. But you told me that it seemed that she had been cut up on the inside yes?”

 Angela nodded vigorously.

“Perhaps there’s… a link, between the two, is what I’m suggesting. I believe you think so too, do you not?”

“I do, but I do not know what links them, or how they are related. The records-“ She stopped, her voice trailing off gently. “He… He did seem tense when I talked about her.” Zenyatta only looked at her intently.

“Give it a shot, Doctor.” he said, after a pause. The monk then silently leaving the intensive care unit.

She passed the monk a permission slip the next day, and Zenyatta promptly invited his student to go there and sate his curiosity once and for all. Genji can’t help but fidget his fingers as they near the medical wing. Disturbed by his own nervous fidgeting, the cyborg crosses his hands, and inhale deeply. They stop in front of the medical wing and his master asks him if he’s alright. He asks if he’s nervous, asks why he’s shaking and his hands are fidgeting needlessly. By then, Genji could no longer distinguish excitement and fear and he was tempted to run away, and tell himself he would rather not know. But his master reminds him of his past lessons. Reminds him to breathe, to keep his mind focused, to rid of doubt and distractions, and so Genji soldiered on.

He walked in first, Zenyatta following loosely behind him, occasionally stopping to talk to the nurses and patients alike. Genji was guided to Angela’s office, where Zenyatta quickly followed suit. Not many words were exchanged between the cyborg and the doctor. She simply led him into the intensive care unit. Both Genji and Zenyatta could sense her doubt, her anxiety, her fear. She explains that she would have to follow them, in case anything goes wrong. She lead them to a large glass window, a curtain on the other side.

Genji could feel his heart skip as Angela gently opened the curtains. There lies a girl, how could he forget her face? She’s much thinner than he remembers, but there she was, breathing evenly, gently. The machines around her make a soft murmur, almost like the content purring of a cat, curling around her. She seemed so peaceful, so calm, like she’s only sleeping. He stared at her intently, burning her image into his mind in case he’d never see her again. Unknowingly, he put his hand on the glass, gently pressing it with both relief and frustration. In fact, the cyborg did not know how to feel then. On one hand, he felt relieved, seeing her alive. But on the other hand, he knows that the peaceful expression plastered on her face may not necessarily mean that she feels no pain. Seeing her so helpless, so frail made him feel guilty. Knowing that he was the cause destroyed him.

Dr. Ziegler seemed to notice his somber expression, and asked if he recognized her. He gave a short, courteous nod, unwilling to elaborate. She asks if he wants to come in, and after a second of hesitation, he accepted. His master told him he would wait outside, perhaps visit a few more patients and so, Genji walked in without him.

The two of them, alone with the unconscious girl, Angela finally found the courage to ask him of his relationship with the unconscious girl. A family? Adopted sister? An ex-lover? She couldn’t tell, and she couldn’t make herself repeat the question when he does not answer. Genji only stared at the unconscious girl, his eyes oddly gentle, and coated with a thin film of tears. He knelt by her bed, his hands on the edge of it, crossed neatly. His face sunken between his crossed arm and his torso as he stared at her until Angela offered him a chair to sit on, placing it near the bed.

He asks if she’ll ever wake up, to which Angela honestly answered.

“Probably not,” she says.

He whispered something, then. Genji himself does not know if he had said it to himself, or too her. Two simple words that could in no way redeem him. Two simple words too faint for the doctor to hear, too quiet, too small, too silent. It was two words that weighed him down too much, that hurt him too much. It was the two words he’s been itching to say to her and yet, the two words he murmured came out shaky, guilty, uncertain.

“I’m sorry,”

He had whispered, voice shaky and uncertain, he let a drop of water fall to her bed, right next to her hand. A teardrop. He then shakily pulled himself away, as to not dirty her surroundings with his tears, and his hands, and everything else that may harm her. Angela, realizing what was happening, attempted to comfort him. She offered him tissues and quietly stood next to him, her eyes fixed on the unconscious girl.

“Don’t cry,” Angela says. “She can hear you, you know?” she continues, half a whisper.

He nodded curtly, and attempted to calm himself down. He stood up, away from her and took deep breathes. Angela could barely hear the counts of _one, two, three,_ out. She gave him a moment to calm down, before guiding him back by her side.

“Talk to her,” the doctor says. “It might help.”

He looked at her doubtfully then. Would it really help? Could she really hear him? He looked at the doctor, and then at the girl resting in front of them. A soft exhale, before he sat himself on the chair next to her bed. Angela leaves them to their own devices then.


	5. Another Beginning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry it took so long to upload this one. My best friend's family member had recently died and I wanted to be there for her, so I waited for the funeral has ended before distracting myself with this fic, etc.

Since then on, Genji had visited her every few days, talking to her, telling her about his day, about how he felt, his worries, his fears. He tells her to wake soon, and jokingly added that only then he’d be able to apologize properly. He tells her that a few more time until it becomes too painful for him to say and he stops. Instead he tells her of himself, of things he learnt, of things she missed. Tells her that McCree finally decided to join them again, tells her that Torbjorn has made an alliance with an omnic, that they have new recruits. Tells her that the new recruit called d.va always beats him at games, and that Lucio, the DJ, has joined them. He tells her of the silent architect, Symmetra and how beautiful her hard light works are.

He tells her all the things she has missed, and all that she’ll see when she wakes, and he tells her of the bad and the good, and he tells her of himself, of his family, his brother, his adventures with Zenyatta. He tells her she’s missing out, tells her she’ll have a lot to catch up to. He tells her he’ll apologize for real when she’s awake, and he’ll tell her all these things, himself, his story, his feelings, all over again, when she wakes.

He tells her to wake soon.

He tells her his questions, how he wonders about if she sounded like she did in his dreams, how he wonders about how she talked, a slight accent? Maybe a lisp? Would her voice be warm? Creaky? Growly? Would it be deep and rich, or light and tilted? He asks her so many questions, none that were answered, and yet, he still spends a few minutes by her side, every day. He knows full well that she knew nothing about him, and that he knew little to nothing about her and yet, sitting by her side, talking to her, it had felt comfortable. It had felt like home. But still, there was a flicker of doubt. There was still an itching fear that she’ll never wake, that talking to her never did help. There was a part of him that was tired, and discouraged, but his master told him not to let her go so easy and he’s right, he knows.

Genji had been incredibly lucky that she was who she was. That she was an Overwatch agent, that she was close, that she was here, _is_ here. That she was alive and breathing and even though she’s not awake, she’s here in her entirety. He knows the chances were slim, that if she was anyone else, if she was a little farther, a little less sensitive, with a little less friends. And yet, he wondered of what could have been, if he never did- if Hanzo never did-

He wondered if in another life, they would have met, and fell in love, and lived differently. They would be different people. He wonders if in some alternate timeline, they would meet differently, where she was conscious and alive, and he was whole. Was it possible, in a different time, a different life, that they met under better circumstances? But he thought about his life, his constrictive family and lifestyle, he thought of the omnic crisis. He thought of the Swiss base explosion. Would they even meet if not for this all? Would he ever cast her more than a playful glance if they met? Perhaps this was simply the way things were supposed to be, and yet… It wasn’t good enough for him, for _her._

He left, then. His mind packed with the what ifs, and his heart heavy with sorrow or guilt, he could never tell the two apart.

He dreamt that night. He dreamt of his hometown, the familiar cherry blossoms gently caressing his cheek. But he knows something is wrong. He walks to the place he used to call home. He walked quietly, his feet gliding across the floorboards elegantly. Past the familiar gazebo, he hearts the sound of fighting, a sound that has replayed in his head so many times, Hanzo. It was a scene he recognized so well it was burned into his mind for so long, for so many years. He was only a spectator now. A spectator of his own death. But instead of him, crawling on the floor with blood gushing out, he sees her. Then and only then, Genji lost his composure and found himself on the humble mattress of the Overwatch base. He could almost feel the nonexistent cold sweat on his skin when he wakes. He takes a moment to find his composure, deep breaths one after the other as he closes his eyes and attempt to bring himself back to sleep. But he finds himself unable to get much more rest. Instead, he makes his way to the practice range, wanting to tire himself out to get some rest while he can. Only a few steps away, he hears another pair of footsteps in front of him. Curious of the gentle pap-pap-pap that echoes through the hall, he followed them to find an Overwatch agent holding a cup of coffee.

He looked at the agent intently before she turned around, surprise painting her face. Genji himself found himself off-guard as well. She’s waken up already? He only looked at her, dumbfounded. She returned the look.

Was he wearing his faceplate? Was the first thing he thought. Probably not, since he just woke up… He once again focused on the girl in front of him and he couldn’t stop himself from thinking how her eyes seemed to glitter, exposed to the dim green lights of his mechanical body. The two only looked at one another, neither knowing what to say until Genji broke the silence.

“Uh, you’re… awake?” he asked, his voice barely above a whisper.

“I am… I guess?” she shrugged. “Have- have we met somewhere?” she continued, her head tilting slightly to the side.

“That… I don’t know... I guess you could say so… Are- are you feeling alright?” he replied, distracted by the gentle nature of her voice.

“Yeah, don’t worry about it!” she chuckles. And yet, he still looked at her with worry.

He watched her sip her drink, before making eye contact with him again.

“Say, your face looks familiar,” she says, chuckling. “Oh god, this is really personal but did you have long hair?” He asks her why she’d ask, and she replied honestly, albeit a little shyly.

The question had caught Genji off guard, but after a few seconds, he shook his head, nervously. “No, my brother did, though. I had green hair when I was much younger,” he says, with a chuckle.

“ Green hair? Ha! Figured so, his cheekbones were too sharp to be you,” she said, slamming her hand on the table before apologizing. He chuckled at her response.

“Sorry- I just… God, this is going to sound really weird but I dreamt about you?” she says, doubtfully.

“It wasn’t a pleasant dream, though actually it was pretty weird… and scary, and I was you, for some reason. And I was on the floor, and there was someone looming over me. I was begging for my life and bleeding, I knew I was… you, because I could see your face,” she said, looking down at her mug. “I could see your face on the pool of blood below me…  and that’s when I usually wake up,” she said, her eyes locked on the reflection of herself from the drink in her mug.

She scanned him with her eyes, looking up and down. Another sip of her drink before she asked what happened to him.

“What was a dream to you, wasn’t quite one for me,” he said.

She gasped slightly then, a horrified look on her face. He tells her he doesn’t mind, and that’s he’s at peace with himself, and she only looked at him. It wasn’t exactly pity, plastered on her face. Yes, there was worry in it, and sympathy. A little surprise, fear and a mix of many other emotions, but there was no condescending pity in her expression. She apologized then, before asking if he’s alright

“You’re really okay with your body now? That’s- that’s amazing, and great you know?” she said. He noticed her finger nervously drumming the surface of her mug.

He thanked her, his head making a courteous nod.

A moment of silence before she breaks it again.

“So, yeah. I dream about you… sometimes.”

He once again found her averting her eyes to the mug in front of her. No doubt, this conversation has come to a dead end, and yet, neither wanted to leave yet. They knew that both of them wanted to take this conversation somewhere else, but before he could say anything, she asks him a question.

“Do you- do you dream of me too?” she asks.

He thinks of the question for a little bit, and considers not bringing up. But if they were meant to be soulmates, then perhaps it is best to be truthful. And so, he told her of her dreams, of her friends, her reflection on the metallic plate. He told her about the anxiety and the pain, and he asked if it truly happened. She only nodded curtly, her fingers fidgeting again. He told her about what his mentor told him, how they feel the same thing, how they feel the same pain.

“What do you think it means?” she asks,

Neither replied, but they both knew.

“I’m sorry you had to feel what I felt,” he said. “I’m sorry this all happened,”

She looked at him then, her eyes gentle and forgiving.

“I’m sorry you have to take part of my burden, I’m sorry this all happened.”

“I’m sorry I caused you pain, I caused you to lose years’ worth of time, I’m sorry you had to feel all this, I’m sorry we had to meet under these circumstances-“

“Hey,” she interjected, her voice as gentle as her eyes.

“I’m sorry,” he said.

“It’s okay, you know?”

He refused to look at her then.

“What has happened has happened. And seeing you now, in person… You’re just- so kind, and gentle, and if I was made to share your burdens… I don’t think I mind it, if it’s you,”

She smiled then, sweetly before she put on a horrified face.

“Oh god, that was so cheesy,” she said, hiding her face with her hands, Genji gently laughed and thanked her. He yawned then, and excused himself to get some rest.

“Can you come see me again tomorrow?” she asked

“We’ll meet again tomorrow, don’t worry,” he says, his voice gentle and soothing. Quietly, the two parted ways. Genji found his eyes heavy with sleep and looking by the time, he still had 2 hours to rest up.

He woke up to the sound of a soft chime. Zenyatta had come to wake him up. 30 minutes late, he jumped to his feet with great speed and ran to grab the last of breakfast, Zenyatta following him, a quiet content hum echoing from his engines.

After breakfast, Genji made his way to the practice range for warm ups and exercises. Angela stopped him on the way, and asked if he’ll visit her in the ICU, and when. Genji looked at her with confusion. Isn’t she already awake?

“She’s still in the ICU?” he asks.

Now Angela returned the confused look. “Of course…?” she said, carefully.

“Is she not awake yet?”

“No, of course not- did something- “

“Oh, I’ll- Never mind it doctor, I’ll… I’ll visit her after practices,”

Angela sustained her confused look, but she let it slide.

Only then was Genji plagued with questions, and confusion. But last night, he saw her didn’t he? He saw her, talked with her. Was it just a dream? Was it his imagination? The thoughts plagued him all day, dropping his performance, leaving him distracted. Sensing that something is wrong, Zenyatta asked him if something has happened.

“It was all a dream?” Was all Genji could muster. Zenyatta did not dare ask, then.

After he finished his practice sessions, Genji gloomily made his way to the ICU only to have one of the nurses crash into him. She looks up then, and says that she’s been looking for him. Genji could feel his insides drop. Did something bad happen to her? Is she going to be alright? Was that dream- Was it a farewell?

“Her eyes!” the nurse said, leading him into the ICU. “They’ve opened!” the nurse continued.

He ran to the ICU, and saw her with his own eyes. He could not stop the tears then. Slowly, he made his way to the bed, his movements fluid and gentle, as to not disturb her. He does not look at him then, her eyes seemed to stare at the empty space.

“Hey,” he said, his voice barely above a whisper.

She looked at him- at his direction then, and time seemed to stop around them.

“Hey, “ he repeated, disbelief painted all over his face.

“It’s me,” he continued, his voice breaking. She wanted to talk then. There was so much she wanted to say, to tell him, and he knew, but the tube in her mouth, the tapes on her cheek, the inactive state of her body. She could do little more than make a little squeak, but it was enough for him.

“It’s okay now, yeah?” he said, reaching for her hands. Her fingers twitched slightly, wanting to lock his hands in hers, but unconscious for so long, she has little control of her body and it kills her inside

“It’s all okay now,” he repeats, squeezing her hand in her stead. He could feel her relax

“It’s okay now,”

“I’m here.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's over. It's done. I hope the ending wasn't underwhelming for y'all ;_; but I have to stop this here because this is only a prequel for a fic that my homie sylvaneventus is writing <3

**Author's Note:**

> God, this entire fic is like, the longest thing I've written.  
> If you're wondering, yes, the ICU scenes are inspired by my own experiences, wasn't a good one, and didn't have a good end for me, but I hope that only adds to the pain Genji felt, and the pain that you readers feel while reading.  
> Also consider donating to my ko-fi at https://ko-fi.com/A6463ZHI if you enjoyed this! Thanks for reading!


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